Warning: Parents Shouldn’t Obstruct the Recruiting Process

Recruiting obstruction is a key mistake many parents of athletes make.

College coaches first check the ability and grades of high school, club and travel athletes before deciding whether to start the formal recruiting process. Once that occurs, they have two goals in mind: getting to know the athletes and building relationships. Nothing is more essential as they delve into athletes’ personalities, characters and inner motivations, all of which determine if the coach, school and program are a good fit.

At National Scouting Report, we speak to college coaches every day. It is an integral part of what we do as legitimate, on-the-ground scouts.  When we call a coach to recommend athletes, we talk about the basics such as stats, grades and attitude. Afterward, it is not uncommon for a coach to say: “Tell me about the parents.” That would not come up unless it was an important part of the overall selection process.

A coach once said to me: “I love this kid you recommended.  She has everything I am looking for in a recruit.  But I cannot go farther with her because of her parents. They get in the way of what I am trying to accomplish. To get to their daughter, I have to deal with them every time I call. I know they are concerned, but talking to them for 10 minutes before I can touch base with her wastes too much of my time.”

College coaches know that when they bring an athlete into their program, they are also inviting the parents to be part of the family, too. It is an unavoidable fact. Vetting the parents is nearly as important as scrutinizing athletes.

Parents have every right, if not the moral obligation, to be involved in the recruiting process.  Their presence is necessary and their input vital.

However, there is also a line which coaches draw in the sand with parents.  You will not read about it in recruiting literature.  Coaches will not address it directly with families.

We call that line “recruiting obstructionism.”  That’s when parents attempt to manage everything, including manipulating the coaches and standing between coaches and their athlete during the recruiting process.

Signs of it are clear to coaches as well as NSR scouts. Below are some warning signs and ways to avoid them:

• Obstructing coaches’ calls:  These parents dominate incoming calls from college coaches. The wide use of cell phones has lessened this to a degree, but when coaches call a prospect’s home phone and must talk with a parent endlessly, the coach is getting an obvious signal: This is the way it always will be.  Solution: Use the 30-second limit guide. Exchange pleasantries,  but hand over the phone to your child within 30 seconds and let the coach do what he or she needs to do — get to know your child.
• Dominating conversations:  The exchange of normal pleasantries is one thing, but making a coach listen endlessly about this and that, which often has nothing to do with recruiting the athlete, can turn off a coach to the point of not wanting to offer the athlete a roster spot. Solution: Get this essential point — the coach is not recruiting the parent. His or her prime objective is to get to know the athlete and see if they connect. Everything else is superfluous.
• Controlling the pace of the process: Coaches want to be in charge and go at different recruiting paces.  Sometimes that means making a quick decision. Other times a coach is more methodical. When coaches are thrown off their recruiting rhythm, they can get frustrated enough to move on to another family less obtrusive to their process.  Solution: Let the coach call the shots and guide you through the recruiting process. It may not be to your liking, but that is the nature of recruiting. With so many prospects to consider, coupled with a heavy workload, coaches work at their own pace. Let them take the lead.
• Making too many calls: Parents are permitted by recruiting rules to call college coaches anytime. However, coaches have very limited time, so when a parent abuses the privilege of unlimited calls, coaches get annoyed. Solution: Be aware how much time you are taking up with multiple phone calls, especially during the recruiting process. Once your athlete signed, coaches expect a certain number of questions. However, before an offer is on the table, keep your calls to a minimum and have something important to discuss when you call.